Sunday, February 7, 2010

Super Ball Fever Indeed

For the love, of, God. Can somebody please explain football to me? I mean, I understand football. Even the dumbest guy on Earth understands football, hell, he's probably on the team.
I mean, explain to me its appeal, and it has to be more than just the aforementioned fact that football is easily understood.
I don't get how football is considered to be "a mans sport". A bunch of guys in tight outfits running around chasing a ball and hugging each other seems like something chick would watch. Sort of like the equivalent of "bikini mud wrestling", but for female viewers.
To be quite honest, I think I would be a good football player. If I were on that field, I would do absolutely everything in my power NOT to be fondled by other men.
On second thoughts, I would be a horrible football player...I would probably run off the field to avoid that. Not that I am at all anti-gay. It's just not my preference.
Gay jokes aside, let's talk about skill level. Specifically Australian football. We have these huge goal posts that are like ten meters wide, and I see these guys kicking the ball towards the posts trying to get it in between them, and a lot of the time they fucking miss!
They get paid ridiculous amounts of money to train for years to kick this 25 centimetre ball through ten meters of wide open space and they can't do it!
Meanwhile, basketball players are throwing their ball halfway across the court into a hoop that is the same fucking size as the ball. I've never seen a pro basketball player miss a three pointer.
These football players can't speak properly either. They have no charm or charisma, and even if they did somewhere deep down, then there's no way for their brain to articulate it. Plus they're always on the news for sexually harassing young boys and girls and going number two in a hotel hallway. They have no grip on sanity. But I guess it's difficult to have a grip on anything without opposable thumbs.

In all seriousness, it worries me that these men are supposed to be our idols, our role models. Why?
Given the current fucked up state of the world, you'd think we'd be paying more attention to the brains and heart needed to mend things, not get a ball from one side of a field to the other.

It's time to evolve. Ready? Go! Okay, I'll go first.

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